Loving you means

Never really knowing

How important i am to you.

.

Loving you means

Always wondering

If i even am at all.

.

Loving you means

Begging for conversations

And settling

For three words.

.

It means storming out

And thinking

‘This time he’ll come,

.

This time is his turn

To start unraveling

All the tension and the hurt.’

.

I wonder why

I’m still disappointed

When you never do.

.

It means pleading

With a fortress to let me in,

Open the gates

And let me in.

.

And then ending

The night seated outside,

In the cold.

.

Loving you means

Writing a thousand thoughts

You’ll never read

.

And longing to read the thoughts

You’ll never write me.

.

It means wanting so much

For you to prioritize me

.

And then felling like a burden

Or a waste of time

If i manage to convince you to.

.

Loving you means

Tricking myself

Into believing

That the choice between

Happiness and love

Is a hard one.

.

It means pretending

I could ever

Not choose happiness

.

It means knowing

Deep down

That someday

Happy will win,

.

But putting it of

As long as long as possible

For the foolish notion,

That maybe

You’ll offer both.