THE EX

I thought the whole thing was weird from the get go, but I was never upset about it. The fact that no one acknowledged the weirdness however….. Well I wouldn’t say I was ‘upset’ about it but it definitely didn’t help me feel comfortable. And it’s all emphasized by how completely different we are. 

She thanked me once- I think it was the second time we’d met- she thanked me and asked me why I was being so nice to her. I explained that I didn’t have any reason not to be. ‘Weird’ isn’t a good enough reason to be anything less than nice. Still, I think I would have appreciated if our man in common hadn’t allowed me to become a spectacle in that moment: by myself, cornered by drunken girls who are all demanding me to ‘be meaner’ while he silently looked on with the others. 

Another time he left us alone together. He asked me to hang out with them and then left me alone with her. And the fact that I wasn’t comfortable getting drunk with my man’s ex while he wasn’t there went entirely ignored. 

It’s not that she makes me uncomfortable. Not at all. But the whole situation, having to be a part of each others lives while being each others opposites… well, it’s not without tension. And I guess it would be nice to have someone say ‘I know you didn’t ask for this, I know you weren’t given anything resembling a choice in the matter, so I want you to know that I appreciate how well you’re handling this and how easy you’re both making things for each other.’

I think the moment when my whole perspective on the situation changed was when we where out together and after 6 hours of being completely out of my comfort zone, I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. She didn’t hesitate take my side and come to my aid. She didn’t hesitate to do the things I always hope he will do… but never does. She had my back and didn’t care that I was ‘being emotional’ or ‘making a scene’. Instead she cared about the fact that I was in destress and that our relationship was being stressed. She cared about the things I wish he would care about. 

It’s possible that she want us to work out because I’m her best case scenario in a ‘new girlfriend’ and that’s okay because as far as ‘the ex’ goes she’s mine.